How To Be a Baddie with Boundaries

I've taken a much-needed break from my usual blogging duties because I felt that I was lacking inspiration, and I also had a lot going on in my personal life between finishing up a busy school semester, turning 23, becoming an aunt for the first time, getting a new job, and balancing a long distance relationship while also trying to maintain a healthy social life and make time for myself. It has been a lot, to say the least, and lately, I've noticed that the one thing that tends to take the back burner within my busy schedule, is my "me time".

One thing I've had to learn the hard way is how to say "no". It took me a while to be comfortable with saying no, even though it may not seem that complicated to some of you, I've always avoided any form of confrontation and when people ask me for favors or want me to find time for them somewhere in my busy schedule, I really had to learn how to muster up the confidence to just say no. At first, I realized I was making excuses, as a way to avoid having to really face the consequences of telling my close friends or family members that I simply just don't feel like hanging out, or that I don't care to find the time to do certain things because I'd rather spend that time sleeping in with my cat. But I soon realized that coming up with constant excuses is harder than just being truthful. And alas, I realized I don't always have to feel bad for making time for myself before making time for everyone else.

I've realized how important it is for me to set boundaries with the people in my life. Not only for my own mental health but also for the sake of preserving relationships that are valuable to me. When I don't set proper boundaries, I become resentful and agitated toward people, which is unfair to them because I can't expect them to read my mind. Boundaries are important because they allow people to respect you and your wishes, and they teach people how they should and shouldn't deal with you.

I'm currently going through an odd situation in my workplace, where there have been some untrue rumors going around about my character. At first, I was unsure of how I wanted to handle the situation, and I told myself that I would just do everything in my power to reverse how my colleagues perceived me. But then I realized that that would be overextending myself, and proving myself to people who don't even know me on a personal level just so that they can perceive me more favorably. After much contemplation, I came to the conclusion that this wasn't the best way to handle the situation. I've decided that I'm going to confront the situation head-on, and not avoid it like I often do in most conflicts. Instead, I want to set boundaries with certain people in my workplace to help them understand that I'm not okay with being spoken about when I'm not present, especially to people who don't know me or know anything about me personally. It's my right to set boundaries with people so they can understand that just because I'm nice, doesn't mean I am weak.

I wanted to share this with you all so that you can do the same with those in your own life, and help you better understand that your life is just that - your life. You don't owe anyone your time or your explanations. You can politely and respectfully set healthy boundaries with people so that they know how you want to be treated and what you won't tolerate. Furthermore, it's important to set boundaries in your life so that people don't feel entitled to your time, then you can set some time aside for yourself.

Setting healthy boundaries is going to look different in every situation, so there's no real guide to doing it that I can give you to keep on standby. But here are some examples:

If someone wants to hang out with you and you just simply don't have the energy or the time, try communicating that in a polite and understandable way such as

"Honestly, my schedule has been super packed and I don't get much time to relax. I kind of just want to have a day to myself. Can we reschedule when my schedule clears up?"

If someone does something to you or says something to you that you don't like or has made you feel disrespected, try saying something like this:

"I don't really like how you *insert what they did or said*, and it made me feel disrespected. Moving forward, I would appreciate it if you didn't do that again because it made me feel uncomfortable, and I don't want to be on bad terms with you." I feel like this statement sounds sincere and straight to the point. The "I don't want to be on bad terms with you" adds a little razzle-dazzle as well (lol), and it lets them know you're addressing the situation because you don't want conflict with them.

Furthermore, anyone who doesn't respect your boundaries probably shouldn't be in your circle anyways. Friends are supposed to be supportive and understanding, not demanding or entitled.

I hope you learned something from this and learned to place healthy boundaries in your life moving forward. Thanks for reading!